What’s BDSM to me…

I got into this vicious cycle six years ago after they dragged me in…
That woman’s been my first time. What a weird feeling if I think about it…
I came home crying and I had my ex girlfriend home waiting for me.
I remember I got inside and ran straight to the bathroom, I looked myself in the mirror and thought: “What am I doing?”.
Yet she told me it would’ve been easier.
The scene of her, laying on that bed with four whips ( one of which was so beautiful, a circus one) and some dildos scattered around on the bed, still replays in my head every time I start my roping round…
It’s been six years and, despite everything, the memory’s still alive… Who knows why?!
Maybe because I’ve always pictured it in a different way, maybe because just hitting, considering the violence I’ve suffered from inside the four walls I called home, seemed like something out of any logic.
Then the “Fifty Shades” saga came out.
I remember an amazing scene…
When my ex girlfriend forced me to go with her and get the first book… In a very well known bookshop in Novara…
And even though she doesn’t know, I read all those books right after she did.
Out of curiosity? Maybe…
So what’s BDSM to me?
Well… A lifestyle??? It could be…